she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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