Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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