Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
