today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
