he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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