i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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