True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
