Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
