she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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