I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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