I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
