you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
