Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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