What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
