what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
