can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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