Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
