I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
