I wanna bring you to show and tell
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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