This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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