After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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