Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
