and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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