soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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