Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
