Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
