new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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