I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
