you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
