Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize