Can i not drive my cunt home
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Randomize
