i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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