When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
