4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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