Princesses don't give blow jobs
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
