remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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