Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
