Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Its about making memories worth repressing
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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