You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
