so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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