this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize