Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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