i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
