I'm going to jail i love you
too bad you live with your parents still
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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