I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize