Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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