guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I love you. Go after that dick
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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