Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
