It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
