Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
