Are we in a gay sports bar?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
false alarm, still single
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize