Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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