I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
