my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm passing your future prison.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
