i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
