Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
