So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
How's work?
Spinning.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize