I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize