Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
