I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
