Fuck appropriateness.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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