you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
